Bedlam editorial: 'Gooners' cheat, steal their way through season
Editor’s note: In the spirit of the Bedlam rivalry, The Daily O’Collegian, Oklahoma State University’s student newspaper, and The Oklahoma Daily agreed to exchange editorials poking fun at each other and run them at the same time.
OKLAHOMA STATE'S VIEW
As the slowly-dwindling Big 12 has lost a championship quorum, the conference office and TV executives have decided to move Bedlam to “Championship Weekend,” showcasing this historic rivalry, giving our conference a “big game” presence during this key weekend.
To that end, we hope our strong disdain for all things Gooner will not disappoint.
Of course, whenever Bedlam comes to mind, it’s hard not to conjure a mental picture of the famous mental ward.
The similarities are striking: First, that hospital was originally known as “Bethlehem” which locals couldn’t pronounce and just called “Bedlam,” and secondly, because Gooners are nuts.
From an academic perspective, the only way anyone could one-up spending $281 million on a new stadium is by spending $5 million a year on just the coach (not that Bob Stoops doesn’t earn every penny with his amazingly awkward weekly pressers).
The ironic thing is with Stoops now routinely losing to coaches making less than half his salary. Guess that’s why they pay him the big bucks.
It’s the pervasiveness of collegiate athletics around these parts that’s historically been a pillar of Oklahoma’s image. Likewise as OU’s football is renown, many outsiders wonder if non-football edumacation is offered at OU.
Rumor has it there is indeed some educating going on, including a journalism program named “Gaylord,” and architecture housed in an old strip mall.
Still, we can’t blame those skeptics; OU is one scary fan base. Just look at all those OU shirts on PeopleOfWalmart.com.
Perhaps as an alternative means of Texas fleecing the rest of the conference, they could simply start an orthodontistry business in southern Oklahoma. That would easily solve everyone’s concerns with conference realignment, or is at least likelier to succeed than David Boren threatening to move us out west, or stalling West Virginia.
As once-great programs like Kansas State got pushed to the sidelines of realignment, maybe OU should also consider the single-sport membership idea, as you might have to pull the plug on some programs. Such may be the best possible outcome for the men’s basketball program, again mired in NCAA sanctions, lately incurred while already on probation.
Sheesh. Can’t you guys go just a few years without major infractions? Especially while on probation? One would normally expect the NCAA to look especially hard at a program who’s mascots are cheaters (Sooners) and thieves (Boomers). We must at least admire how Gooners have stayed true to those values all these years later.
Seriously though, this Bedlam is huge, perhaps the biggest ever. While OU has lost both its leading receiver and rusher, up in Stillwater we do still fear the stache, or peach fuzz or whatever that is.
And lastly, before you attempt reading the piece from the Gaylord School of Journalism, we’d like to mention our appreciation for your support during these last few weeks. Your campus community resembles more class than perhaps we give you credit for, especially with that enlightened fan base and all.
To them we add this friendly public service announcement: Please wait until after the score is final to commence the wife-beating activities. Normally we’d be unequivocally opposed, but it’s probably a lost cause with 3 losses on OU’s season.