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Letter to the editor: Weapons make fashion statement

by | February 25, 2011 | 5 comments

Rather than lament the current climate of distrust and fear, I propose we embrace our opportunity to flaunt our deadly new accessories.

Across the nation, especially just south of our state border, guns may soon be carried on campuses. Our academic and athletic rivalry demands a response. But because the reason to pack heat is to deter the maniacal mass murderers who lurk among us, why conceal our dominant displays?

First, because the capacity of clips may be restricted, and you can’t see them, I propose we openly wear crisscrossing bandoliers to send a clear message to our fellow staff, teachers, students and visitors.

Perhaps the most exciting opportunity lies in our sublime exercise of taste. Concealing one’s firepower ruins our chance to make a fashion statement. Why limit ourselves to the James Bond motif? It’s so passe. Besides, hanging out in a gun range is loud, smelly and offers little exercise. So what to do?

I’m considering openly carrying a beautiful hickory baseball bat to my classes. However, a bat may not have the deterrent effect needed. I might add 4-inch spikes. On second thought, perhaps a sword would be better.

For those who have a slight build, perhaps the Three Musketeers look would announce ones deadly potential while also appearing as the dashing Casanova type. For the more brawny among us, a two-handed broadsword will do the trick. Such defensive tools should be worn openly and can be used as stylish accessories.

Imagine strolling the halls with one’s broadsword slung across one’s back in a hand crafted leather scabbard studded with rhinestones and adorned by one’s fraternity letters.

Being neither slight nor brawny, I would go with the samurai katana featuring an enameled metal-flecked buckle and damascened-inlaid tsuba or hilt. What a debonair professor I would be! Elegant yet dangerous with a hint of the exotic. I’d add a cigarette, but they are too dangerous for campus, and they don’t fit my handsome ensemble. Cigarettes go with guns but not swords or bows.

Which alas brings me to the sad truth; swords are limited in their deadly reach. But, there is another suave alternative.

I think I might begin carrying a Welsh longbow. It effectively ended the use of heavy armor at the Battle of Agincourt. With some practice they are effective to at least 300 yards.

I could decorate my bow, arrows and quiver with the OU colors. Others may prefer the Hungarian, Mongol or the Lakota Sioux bow, the latter said to be so powerful it could pierce a bison’s skull.

Or maybe I’ll get a crossbow to carry around. I’d keep it locked and loaded with a bolt tipped with the latest steel broadhead. That too could be ornamented with mother of pearl, gold inlay and a custom stock using rare hardwoods.

Perhaps a laser sight would give me the sophisticated flare of the latest technology without diminishing the classic look. I can imagine exchanging salvos across Owen Field especially when Texas A&M comes to town. And finally, my fashion sense would help sword and bow manufacturers whose lobby may feel shorted at state capitals.

— Eric Kramer, Communication professor

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