Let me be clear, this column is about my experience as a gay man living in Oklahoma and going to a university situated in the middle of the Bible Belt. My opinions don’t necessarily reflect all gay men, and I never said they did. This is my life, my story and I’m the one telling it.
That said, I’m going to talk a little about dreams.
There are a few things we dream about our whole life. One of those, especially for most little girls, is the dream of a perfect wedding.
She might imagine herself in a green meadow, wearing a flowing white dress and holding a bright bouquet of flowers. A piano plays in the background and the perfect guy stands next to her.
I wonder if the same is true about every little gay boy?
For me it was. When I was little, I dreamed about my wedding, which is weird because it’s not a common thing for two men to march down the aisle and exchange vows.
I can’t believe I was so optimistic.
To me, it was never out of the question to assume I’d spend the rest of my life with Mr. Tall, Dark and Handsome one day. I guess I just never thought about it being “different.”
Come on, I’ve been surrounded by girls my whole life. It’s only natural to imagine the rush of saying “I do” and kissing the guy you’ve chosen to spend the rest of your life with.
Was I really this naïve back then? Yes, and it’s just as bad today.
Sometimes I think I’m completely out of touch with reality. I find myself walking around in total bliss most days, until something reminds me that the country I live in treats me like a freak.
It pisses me off, too. People are allowed to use their morals and religion to affect my happiness, and there’s really nothing I can do about it.
Am I mistaken or isn’t there something in the Constitution about separation of church and state?
I don’t care what your beliefs are; you do not have the right to sit back and say, “The Bible says homosexuality is an abomination.”
The Bible says a lot of things.
And I’m definitely not attacking anyone’s beliefs. Faith is one of the strongest parts of your being, but I don’t think I should be punished for something I don’t think is wrong. Not to mention, legal issues should not be decided over something written in a book that only Christians believe.
Thankfully, I’m not alone in saying one day, sometime in the near future, I’ll be able to kiss my husband, and a justice of the peace will hand us a marriage license.
Last Saturday, I was coming back from Oklahoma City with a few friends, when my straight male friend turned around and told me, “Don’t worry. When the older generation dies off, you’ll be able to marry whomever you want.”
That meant a lot to me, and he probably doesn’t even know it.
It touches my heart to know that I have straight allies on my side who stand up for me even when I don’t stand up for myself.
I hope that I live long enough to see the day when it’s not a big deal for a teenager to take his same-sex date to the prom or when the coming-out process isn’t something that tears families apart. I hope I get to see the day when we’re not writing columns in our college newspapers about the love that can exist between two men.
Until then, I’ll continue to dream.
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soonerstaff 2 years, 1 month ago
I'm a straight female who, as a little girl, never once dreamed about my wedding. I'm 27 now and I won't get married until my gay brothers and sisters can enjoy the same civil rights I would enjoy in a marriage. It's just a matter of time, hang in there Bryan. You have lots of supporters, even here in Oklahoma.
boomersoomerctm 2 years, 1 month ago
all the gays should just move to california and then let it sink into the pacific
Jwer 2 years, 1 month ago
I'm gonna have to agree. Dylan's comment is more offensive to me than this column.
Instead of being a complete ass and calling for his removal, why don't you try taking a breath and expressing yourself logically? In one post you call his column Bobo's Chicken, you call him embarrassing and a failure, you suggest that because he doesn't fit gender stereotypes that he's trans, you question his ability to speak as a gay, you call him ADD, you say he's destroying the bridges the GLBT community has worked so hard to create, and in the end you call his column (and I don't think it's too far off to say you suggest that he is) trash.
You, my friend, are a jackass.
Maybe I'm a little crazy but I followed the progression of topics pretty well through the entire article. His writing style isn't great, but what do you want from a college student who is as busy as the rest of us?
Also, I don't think that the Daily was the one that made him put the disclaimer, it seems more like a response to OUR reaction to his last column (http://oudaily.com/news/2010/mar/04/o...).
He doesn't "equate himself to a girl" he simply points out that he did something we expect from little girls that we DON'T expect from boys. Which is gender stereotyping and terrible. You don't expect little boys to play dress up and want to get married. He wondered if all little gay boys did it. I think it's a perfectly valid question to ask. I'm not "proud" of being gay. What's there to be proud of? Woohoo. I like men. So do the majority of women on the planet. OH SNAP. Did I just equate myself with a woman? No. I just said "I do things that are typically expected from women and not from men." It really bothers me that SO MANY gay men are SO hung up on being "men." It bothers me that even people society says are deviants are unwilling to let people be themselves.
I'm a man, I enjoy being a man. I'm a little bit feminine. I like baking, I hate bugs, I don't like getting dirty, and while I CAN check my oil, I'm afraid to because I think I do it wrong.
God, you're so ignorant it hurts me a little. I didn't have a single guy friend until I was a junior in high school. I was always "one of the girls" because THAT'S where I was comfortable. That doesn't make you trans, it makes you someone who doesn't fit into the stereotypes of our lovely gender binary.
I agree, Bryan is embarrassing and he's having limited success. But yelling at him isn't going to stop it. Maybe it's you who doesn't understand what it is to be gay. Or maybe it's all of us. Maybe, GASP, there isn't a rule book for this. Maybe being gay means the same thing as being straight? You live your life as best you can, try not to screw anything up on your way through, and maybe leave the world a little bit better than you found it.
TO BE CONTINUED. I went over 3000 characters, apparently.
DylanC94 2 years, 1 month ago
As a gay man, I must say. I am once again offended. The OUt Life is the gay equivalent to Bobos chicken, and you've let this happen a second time. The entire GLBT community is outraged! Where is our long overdue apology? What makes matters worse is that you try to cover it up with "Let me be clear, this column is about my experience as a gay man living in Oklahoma and going to a university situated in the middle of the Bible Belt. My opinions don’t necessarily reflect all gay men, and I never said they did. This is my life, my story and I’m the one telling it." So you knew your columnist was going to run his mouth and embarass the entire GLBT community again, so you have him write a disclaimer? I strongly question whether Bryan has any idea what it is to be gay. Never in my life have I heard a proud gay man equate himself to a woman! We are gay because we have a natural attraction to other men and are still proud to be men! If you feel like one of the girls Bryan, you are not gay, you are transgender (and you wonder where the names and stereotypes come from). Not mention the fact that the author says he knows Oklahoma is closed minded. If he knows this then he should understand that he may be the only representation the gay community has in the state to some people, and frankly his role as an ambassador is embarassing and a complete failure. The rest of the column is so off topic and maddening that I can't believe this even made it out into the world. I know some ADD people, but man, this column on marriage went from marriage to separation of church and state (which yes you did attack other people's religion) to love your gays in less than 60 seconds. Please Daily! No more from Bryan Dugan! The GLBT community can't take another one of these disasters. This is burning bridges, and these are bridges the GLBT community has worked hard to build. The Daily has no right to step in and destroy the progress the Oklahoma gay community has worked so hard for. There is a difference between true gay columnists like John Corvino and Lisa Neff and this trash you call a gay column.
Jwer 2 years, 1 month ago
Just a few problems: //"Am I mistaken or isn’t there something in the Constitution about separation of church and state?"//
You are, in fact, mistaken. Jefferson stated in a letter to the Danbury Baptists that there ought to be "a wall of separation between church and state" but it's not actually in any of our laws.
//"I don’t care what your beliefs are; you do not have the right to sit back and say, “The Bible says homosexuality is an abomination.” "//
They DO, in fact, have the right to say that. That one IS in the Constitution. (First amendment, if you were wondering)
//"I don’t think I should be punished for something I don’t think is wrong."//
This one just makes me wince a little. I'm not fond of slippery slope debating, but there are a lot of people who are. You know what you mean, I'm pretty sure you mean victimless crimes, but it just SOUNDS bad.
//"legal issues should not be decided over something written in a book that only Christians believe."//
The Bible, specifically the old testament (which is where all this homogay rage comes from), is not just Christianity. That particular part of what we refer to as "The Bible" is also shared by Islam and Judaism. That doesn't make your point any less valid, it's just a little more inclusive.
All in all, less inherently offensive than your last column. If it makes you feel better, this gay boy has had his wedding planned out since the third grade. I wasn't quite as sure on the sex of the other person, though, it was always just a big question mark.
Also, you're more than entitled to tell your story, but when it comes to talking about the gay, we have just as much right to add our input.
mustafa 2 years, 1 month ago
" don’t care what your beliefs are; you do not have the right..." Ditto, what Jwer said about this.
"..this column on marriage went from marriage to separation of church and state>" Ditto what Dylan said about this.
"I strongly question whether Bryan has any idea what it is to be gay.."
Hey thanks Dylan for a great example of intra-queer bigotry. Visit a bisexual site and one finds their main oppressors are not straights but exclusive homosexuals who accuse bisexuals of not being able to make up their minds, or admit what they really are, yada, yada.
These endless divisions within the homosexual community are political rather than scientific.
One school of thought about homosexuality holds that penetration is the true mark of a homosexual. Only the man being penetrated is the homosexual. In many homosexual relationships it is common that only one is the primary penetrator and the other isn't. Therefore such a union technically is not a relationship between two homosexuals. To say such role-playing isn't the mark of homosexuality then what about La Cage a Foiles.
Perhaps Dylan and Jwer can answer the question, I keep asking, what is a gender-queer? Should be a reasonable question, after all the Women’s Outreach sent all students a survey last month wanting to know how many gender-queers there were on campus.
Jwer 2 years, 1 month ago
Things that happened, that as a journalist he should know. (1) He DID offend people. Whether he intended to or not is not my concern. The last column he wrote was offensive to the core, and this one he does attack people for their beliefs. (2) He got facts wrong. My first post lists them to the best of my ability. I seriously wonder if anyone proofreads these things before they're sent out. (3) The disclaimer is bitchy. It just is. It's more like a slap in the face than anything else. "I don't need your opinion, other gays don't matter." Which essentially gives him free reign to say whatever he wants and we have to accept that? Nuh-uh.
I hope this makes sense, I kept moving things around and changing them so I'm not even sure anymore.
The gist: Bryan can be offensive but he's trying, and Dylan is a jackass.
Jwer 2 years, 1 month ago
Sorry, La Cage a Foiles? My Google search has failed me. Unless you're talking about The Birdcage with Robin Williams in which case it's Folles. And I don't understand your point.
Ehh. Ok. So, basically "gender" is a spectrum. "Genderqueer" is anything that falls outside of "Male" and "Female" gender. It can represent a mix or neither, etc. A real explanation requires a bit more knowledge of the idea of gender identity. I'd suggest you ask Kathy Moxley if this answer isn't sufficient.
ab167 2 years, 1 month ago
"There are a few things we dream about our whole life. One of those, especially for most little girls, is the dream of a perfect wedding. [...] I wonder if the same is true about every little gay boy?"
No. It's not. And it's not true for all girls, either. Stop (a) conflating gender and sexuality and (b) reinforcing the gender binary that causes a lot of your problems as a gay mam (i.e. hegemonic masculinity begets homophobia). Dylan is over-reacting, but he has a point.
cineman69 2 years, 1 month ago
DUGAN MUST BE STOPPED!! Disclaimer or no disclaimer, this is trash. Sentimental, glossy, flamboyant trash. If he is not speaking for the GLBT community and is simply sharing his own personal stories, then he needs to start a blog and quit writing columns for ALL to loathe and endure. That way his small (and I do mean small) fanbase can log in and read all his stereotypical gay mumbo-jumbo!! OU students reading this column get a bad taste in thier mouths and it is not fair to the rest of the gay community to be viewed on such narrow and simplistic terms!! If he wants to pout and rant about his "exclusive" feelings, share it with people who care. "The OUt life" is a DISGRACE to every member of the GLBT community. Get a new writer!! There is really no other way to put it. This is offensive, whether intentional or not. He doesn't talk about much at all and what he does talk about is tounge-and-cheek cutesy BS. that only perpertuates stereotypes against gays. It's counterproductive. No one with a functioning brain would be inspired by his words. The only people who appreciate this fluff is Dugan's companions, and that is of course expected!
DylanC94 2 years, 1 month ago
@Jwer. Quit trying to be the spokesman for everything gay just because you are in GLBTF. There is a reason why you are filled with Ls and 3 Gs. GLBTF is a failure on this campus when it comes to reaching gay rights issues on this campus. Everyone in your group thinks that it's your way or the highway. You ought to be ashamed that your group has been pushed around by UOSA when it comes to gay rights at OU. Newsflash! There are other gay rights groups forming on this campus because we are sick of the way GLBTF thinks it speaks for all gays on campus.
Jwer 2 years, 1 month ago
@DylanC94 I never said I was a spokesman for everything gay, just a perspective. As for GLBTF? I'd be the first to tell you there are a lot of things wrong with how it's run and what we do. It doesn't change the fact that you ought to be able to argue a point without the ad hominem attacks you seem to be so fond of. I have nothing against speaking your mind, I just have a problem with rude people. Life would be so much easier if we had any amount of respect for eachother. Instead of just ranting which is likely to draw a defensive response, and not change anything. He writes for the daily. If you have a problem with this, arguing on the internet is not the answer. He writes POORLY for the daily. If you have a problem with this, you're doin' it wrong.
lynseystroud 2 years, 1 month ago
ok people, you DO NOT! have to read this. To criticize something or someone that has nothing to do with you is just plain dumb! It just proves that people are bored and need confrontation for amusement and attention. Go somewhere else and blog about how much you hate the gays. I love gay people. I grew up with two moms, and they did better than most moms and dads I know of today. I love Dugan, and I would risk my life for him. Everyone is entitled to the pursuit of happiness.