Editor’s note: This column refers to Monday’s news story, “‘Gotcha’ program to be expanded to all campus libraries.”

Click here to read Monday's news story, “‘Gotcha’ program to be expanded to all campus libraries.”

I have been pleading with my mother ever since I left home to come to college with me and monitor every decision I make to ensure that I am being responsible. Every time I ask, she brings up that time I claimed to have walked the dog (I didn’t!) and turns me down.

Fortunately, Bizzell Library’s new “Gotcha!” policy eliminates the need for mothers on this campus.

According to OU Libraries spokeswoman Sarah Robbins in an article published Monday, “When a student leaves their valuables — whether it be a computer or a backpack — alone for more than five minutes or so, an employee or security personnel will pick up the item and take it to the circulation desk for safekeeping.”

Apparently it is now OU’s job to go on responsibility patrol.

Robbins says that the primary reason for the policy is that “we want to teach students to be responsible with their items in the library.”

Is it irresponsible of me to consider the circumstances and conclude that I am willing to accept the risk of having my backpack stolen while I track down a book from the stacks?

The second explanation for the program is that “it is better that library personnel take the item where it can easily be picked up by the owner than someone actually stealing the item and it never been seen again.”

Gee, the only thing I can think of that would be better than that is for no one to take my stuff, like what’s happened the last three years I’ve used the library.

Obviously I realize that there is a chance my things could get stolen while I make a quick trip to the bathroom. The chances of Bizzell employees being assigned the worst cleanup job of their lives if I don’t use the men’s room seem a lot higher, though.

These “Gotcha!” slips, printed on undoubtedly annoying, brightly colored paper, say “Gotcha! Can you afford the loss of your property? Next time, it may not be the University Police Department or a staff member that finds your property left unattended. Security is everybody’s business.”

Incredibly, this is no joke. Hey OU: The security of my laptop is not “everybody’s business,” thank you very much.

What’s next? Students in Walker Center come back to find their rooms completely empty - tough luck, guys. Your door was unlocked. Good thing it wasn’t the bad guys ... this time!

A man comes home from work on his lunch break and finds that the papers he needs for his afternoon meeting are missing - sorry, bro. That key you leave in the petunias? Way too obvious. Thank me later - security is everybody’s business.

Can I afford the loss of my property? About as much as I can afford to have some overbearing library assistant unplug my laptop when I am in the middle of a research paper.

Quick, what’s the only difference between that library worker and a nefarious campus criminal? Only the evil villain would steal my stuff in a non-“Gotcha!” library.

I get it. According to OU Police reports, over $12,000 in electronics was stolen between Sept. 3 and Oct. 3. Obviously, this is a problem that they would like to reduce.

Other campuses have found less invasive ways to send the same message.

According to the University of Chicago’s student newspaper, their program stated that “Officers on patrol who discover unattended valuables will place ‘GOTCHA’ stickers on them to make the owners aware of the need for crime prevention.”

While I still find this practice to be somewhat offensive, it is a far cry from physically relocating items belonging to irresponsible citizens like me.

OU’s “Gotcha!” program irrationally assumes that there could never be any possible reason for one to leave his or her belongings temporarily unattended.

Further, it egregiously decides that the best way to teach me a well-deserved lesson is by actually stealing students’ things.

A word of advice, OU: Treat this column as a friendly “Gotcha!” and revise the plan before it affects the bad guys.

Remember, stupid ideas are everybody’s business.